Do you struggle with walking into a room where you know hardly anyone?

Do you dread walking up to a stranger and introducing yourself?

Do you pass up events because you don’t think you’ll know anyone there and feel uncomfortable or just plain panicked at the thought of circulating among strangers?

Does your business rely on your ability to interact and develop relationships with people?

If you answered yes to any of these, you’re not alone.  According to recent studies, shyness, which is a manifestation of anxiety, has always been a part of the human condition and millions of people around the globe are gripped by shyness every day.  In fact, if you Google the word ‘shyness’, over 3.7 million pages come up today.  Chances are that 90% of the people in the room with you also suffer from some form of shyness and are trying to overcome it at that very moment.

Self-doubt and shyness go hand-in-hand.  If you don’t feel good about yourself or you’re unsure of yourself, then you may tend to avoid people and events, remaining in an introverted state.  So a good way to overcome your shy tendencies before walking into the room is to be prepared and diminish those self-doubts you might be carrying that day.  Depending on what your self-doubts might be, there are a variety of ways to begin to overcome it.  Taking steps toward building your self-confidence will net great gains in reducing your shyness factor.Here are some tips toward building your self-confidence:

Ø  Recognize your strengths and weaknesses.  Maximize your strengths as you find ways to gradually overcome your weaknesses.

Ø  How you communicate is a key to building your business.   Practice your pitch or business commercial in front of friends and ask for constructive feedback.

Ø  Always shine when you’re meeting new people.  If you’re having a bad day, in a grumpy mood, or are not feeling up to par, skip the event.  You won’t be able to shine and make a good first impression if you’re not in the mood to really be present at the event.

Ø  When at an event, shift the focus away from yourself.  Ask the other person questions and get them to talk.  This will not only allow you to become more comfortable, but will result in the other person likely enjoying the conversation more.  Ironically, people love to talk about themselves and they’re more likely to enjoy chatting with you if they get to chat about themselves.  Keep in mind that they may likely view your business in a more positive manner if they’ve shared something with you first.


What can you do to overcome shyness at a networking event?

Ø  Wear a nametag.  In a large room, you may be recognized by someone, but they don’t remember you or your name.  It makes you more approachable if they know they can walk up to you and see your nametag.  It’s a small investment to have a nametag made with your first name, your company name and logo.  Wearing your nametag to every event and meeting you attend will make you much more approachable. 

Ø  Find someone in the room you know.  That person will help you get warmed up and feeling comfortable in the room.  That person may even introduce you to another.  But don’t monopolize that person’s time or use them to avoid meeting new people.  After you’re warmed up, seek out a new person to meet.

Ø  Walk confidently across the room.  When you first walk into a crowded room and don’t see anyone you recognize, look to the far side of the room, make a big smile and wave (like you just saw someone you can’t wait to chat with).  Then gradually and casually make your way over to that spot.  Chances are that you’ll have such a confident, comfortable presence, that someone along the way will stop you and engage in a conversation.  If you make it all the way to the other side without getting interrupted and pulled into a conversation, then look around, appearing to look for the person you “saw” when you first stepped into the room.  Now you’ve made it through the room, you’re in the crowd and can more easily strike up a conversation.  Another strategy is to head to the food/beverage area.  Many people hover there waiting to warm up or for someone else to introduce himself or herself.

Ø  Sponsor the event.  If you are one of the sponsors of the event or have a ‘booth’ or table to display your goods or services, it places you in a better position to meet and greet.  You’ll already look like you ‘belong’ there when other guests start to arrive.

Ø  Have an ice-breaker question in mind.   Other than “what do you do” or “what is your business” have another question to ask.  Suggestions:  How did you hear about this event?  What other networking events have you found?   How do you know “the host or hostess”?  Are you a member?  Do you attend regularly?  How does this event compare to [another event]?  Comment about the weather or current event in the community.

What can you do to overcome shyness after a networking event?

 So the networking event is over and you have a stack of business cards from people you’ve just met.  One of the most important times you MUST overcome your shy tendencies is when it’s time for you to make the follow-up phone call.  Keep in mind that everyone asks themselves similar questions after meeting a new person:  Did he or she really like me?  Was his or her interest in my business genuine?  How serious was he when he suggested we get together for coffee?  When you’re shy, this can be a painful inner conversation.  It requires some courage to pick up the phone and make the follow-up call.

There are a variety of great resources to help you overcome your shyness barriers.  You might want to join a networking or leads group to help you become more comfortable with networking.  There are also a number of great books on the subject.  For this article, I found many ideas from Jeffrey Meshel’s book:  One Phone Call Away:  Secrets of a Master Networker by Jeffrey W. Meshel with Douglas Garr, 2005.

 About the author:

Jenae Plourde works for Open House with Style, a start-up company that combines a traditional open house with a mini-tradeshow/networking event. The benefit to our Realtor partners is increased exposure for their listing. The benefit to our small business owners is a cost-effective forum to promote their product or service in a relaxed yet professional environment.

Open House with Style offers FREE weekend networking events in beautiful homes that are for sale.  What better way to build those important relationships that will grow your business than to do it in the comfort of a warm, inviting home?  To see a schedule of our upcoming events, please visit www.OpenHouseWithStyle.com. 

To get even more value out of our events, small business owners may wish to consider purchasing a display table to promote their goods or services. In addition, we are always looking for Realtors who want to partner with us by hosting an event at one of their listings.  Contact Jenae at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it for details about either opportunity.